How did that happen? And I was doing so well there for a few weeks, cracking out a post twice or so a week and feeling quite good about myself. and, now this.
Six days since my last post and I didn’t even notice it. Honestly, I thought it had been three days. Where is the time going? There was a time, a long time ago, where life stretched out before me like infinity, eternity, and death was notion, a fact of life as far away as gray hair and adult diapers. And, now, it’s rushing towards me like the next hour, like tomorrow morning
The last ten years of my life feel like two years. I used to enjoy that fact. I wasn’t sure I wanted to feel the passage of years, to experience the last ten years as ten years. I was sure that part of feeling young, of feeling younger than my years is feeling as if less time has past than it should. I feel twenty seven because it feels like only twenty-seven years has past. If I felt the weight of 52 years, if it felt like 52 years had past, that every second had been lived, experienced, felt, endured, I would feel 52 years old.
But, lately, that has started to bother me, and maybe its just my age, getting older, starting to see finally, the reality of the end of the live, of death. The end isn’t an eternity away. It’s a few decades, at most, if that. And, it will feel like a handful of years, many five, maybe ten, if I can’t find a way to make the days stop flying by so fast.
What’s left of the rest of my life is running out like invisible sand in an hourglass – too fast for me to see, or feel, or even clearly remember.