I am flabbergasted by the idea of how many bad books I could have written if I had just pushed myself at a certain point. Procrastination has poked its head out at every twist and turn of my creative journey – of my journey to finish and publish this novel. I should write in the morning, when my head is clear, and my energy level is the highest. I need to get my thoughts together for work. I need another cup of coffee, a few YouTube videos while I eat breakfast. Another cup of coffee. I haven’t listened to music in ages; isn’t that why I started getting up early, to spend an hour or so in the morning, sipping coffee, listening to pop music? Another cup of coffee? A couple of paragraphs? No, I have to get dressed. I have to make lunch. I have to put the trash out. I have to catch the bus.
And, then I get home. Have to exercise, have to get these 11,00 steps, have to eat dinner, these things are important too. My mom is calling. Niles is calling. My stepfather is calling. I haven’t talked to my brother/sisters in a couple of weeks. I need to play Bloons TD6 or watch YouTube videos or an episode or two of something on streaming, to wind down. I need to make dinner. I need to eat dinner. It’s 8:30. I should be getting ready for bed. I should be in bed. I am in bed. I’ll do it tomorrow morning, the first chance I get.
I don’t know how other people are doing it. I am sneaking in mini writing sessions at work, in between signing for deliveries and hauling supplies, getting in a quick fifteen minutes when I get home, before trying to get my act together and trying to interact with human beings so I don’t forget how to.
It’s just procrastination. I know it. I KNOW IT. But, it’s harder to quit than smoking – speaking from experience.
Undone To-Do Lists
I can’t make a to do list work mainly because I get to a certain point. I just don’t want to open it anymore. Agai, it’s all well and good in theory but the actual practice of methodically holding yourself accountable and controlling yourself through an app has proven too tough for me.
Reading Better Writers’ Work
Nothing inspires like good writing. Nothing makes my writing look more inferior or makes me feel more inferior as a twitter than good writing, especially when I know it’s better than mine. Nothing says, “You will never be as good as me” like work that is clearly beyond any abilities I have or will ever have. Makes me want to quit and hermit in my living room – wrapped in a blanket on the couch – until I die.
Extremely helpful, even encouraging.
Unpunched keys. Unfilled computer screens. Unprinted paper. Unrealized ideas. Unachieved dreams.