Early Retirement May Not Be In My Best Interests

I was already lazy. I was already a couch bum. I was already an introverted and pretty antisocial homebody. Early retirement has taken away any reason I had NOT to be.

I can’t wait to get out of bed and sit on the couch – cup of coffee, cookies, remote control, and substance-free, bite-sized YouTube videos. Lollygagging. Sitting in front of the keyboard, sometimes writing, sometimes thinking about writing. Lunch. Lying about. Dinner. Sleep.

My only notable activities are assembling a bookcase and buying some bug spray that won’t kill my house plants. I learned how to make grilled cheese sandwiches in an air fryer and resolved to use the “Quick Rice” function on my multi-cooker/rice cooker to cook my instant rice, instead of making a mess in the microwave oven.

Let’s see. I could always declutter some more…work on my personality…

I am sitting on my behind with a vengeance. I ate a few fistfuls of oyster crackers and a couple of bananas for lunch because I didn’t want to stand over the microwave oven for sixty seconds while I heated a can of chicken noodle soup.

I need a good kick in my ass.

The life of a retiree is sweetness, indeed. the endless leisure. The days are shockingly short, but they stretch before me – wide and empty and free and all yours – like eternity. There is nothing better than not having to do anything, and not having anything to do. I’m looking for a good get-rich-quick scheme so that I can retire completely and give it up. A purpose-filled life is for purpose-filled birds.

I need to get off my butt and do something that doesn’t require me to leave the house.

The days flow seamlessly into one another. Time stands still then drifts away from you. Schedules become meaningless – even blog schedules.

Nothing matters but the (temporary) vibe: Nothing To Do and The Rest Of My Life To Do It.

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