SNOW DAY! Classes and offices closed!
And I couldn’t be happier. I know. I know. I shouldn’t be rejoining this openly when there are people in the world who are less fortunate than me.
But boy I am happy to be off work today. IN my house. Snug and lazy on the couch. Remote within easy reach on the side table. Not at work.
I am thinking of retiring. I am. I have lost any enthusiasm for doing my job. I used to care a little. And I cared even more about making people think I cared a lot. I tired. I strived. I went through the motions for a reason.
Now…? I can’t believe the state I am in. I never thought I would come to this, that I would become so lazy and disinterested (uninterested?) in my job that I would start slacking openly. I mean, I don’t work nearly as hard as I used to, or as I should, and I don’t care who knows it, or who sees it.
And, when you stop caring, it is time to go.
I love snow days because I can sit around at home instead of sitting around at work. I don’t have to put on my clothes. I don’t have to pack a lunch. I don’t have to ride the bus. I don’t have to clock in. I don’t have to be professional. I don’t have to smile. And be friendly. And be polite. And be Public Mark.
These are the same reasons I want to retire.
Or get a new job working from home.
I am back to expressing the ingratitude I wrote about two posts ago. And I don’t like it.
But it is where I am today.
I’m in holding pattern, a dangerous holding pattern where days turn into years in a matter of weeks, where I will drift away the next ten years of my life, fervently praying I don’t have any real wok to do, before shuffling off to pasture hating myself for not quitting twenty years earlier…
A comfortable, low wage, low stress job with admittedly great benefits that I should feel eternally grateful for…
So comfortable and non-threatening that it will ease me into my grave, on autopilot, without a whimper or a bang…
Like moving out of my apartment, I need new energy, a rut-ending jolt of change.
Ingratitude? Self-awareness. Both?