Brain Dump: May 13, 2021, 2:14 PM

Well, what have I got to lose. There’s a first time for everything and I may even like it. Readers may even like it.

I slept four and a half hours last night. I can barely stay awake. Two cups of coffee didn’t help me.

Aleve. Yes, the pain killer. Naproxen something-or-other. My back is killing me. IT’S KILLING ME. And nothing is working. Not aspirin, acetaminophen, ibuprofen. Not ICY HOT, heat packs, cold packs (but I am going to give them another try tonight). I bought a massager, months ago, on sale on Amazon, for $25. It’s cheap, it stops working whenever I put pressure on it. I bought another one for $45. It’s powerful, little rotating balls feel like a sadist digging their knuckles into my back, just to feel me squirm. It isn’t doing anything for the pain. I haven’t tried Aleve. I’ve got nothing else.

Back pain. It’s the sciatic nerve most likely, the left side. It will probably go away in a few weeks. I have to live in pain until then and I can’t stand it. I know there are things that are more painful but I have never experienced any of them, so… My back pain has taken over my mind. My quality of life is good. My enjoyment is zero.

Low-residue foods. Or foods that produce the least waste, or, more clearly, foods that produce the least amount of feces (I was going to write poop, and I don’t know why). Less residue means fewer trips to the bathroom, which should reduce the potential for diarrhea. I didn’t even know low-residue was a concept until today. White bread and processed foods, like pasta, no nuts, no whole grains. My weight is getting scrapped so I can get my gas problem in check. What is going on? I move to fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains four or five months ago (maybe more) and I really thought it was he beginning of a new chapter for me – a better overall health, and greater quality of life, weight loss, a new me. And it has been pure hell. Most of the fresh vegetables I ate gave me tremendous gas and diarrhea and all the whole grains are making it harder to get it totally under control. I don’t get it. Crackers. Rice. Eggs. Bananas. Canned green beans.

So, white bread, crackers, and Aleve at the store after work.

A whole new shopping list for Walmart this weekend.

The students are almost all gone. Favorite time of the year. I wish it lasted forever. I can finally relax. There is practically nothing to do until August.

End of year goals: new job, new apartment. Lose another 10, 20 pounds. Finish this novel. Get a literary agent. Get a publishing deal (that may have to wait until next year).

I took a diuretic on Monday and lost almost 4 pounds. I’m carrying excess water. It’s straining my heart. Diuretics are straining my kidneys. Heart failure. Kidney failure. Heart failure. Kidney failure.

I wil be single the rest of my life. I am 53; that ship has probably sailed for good.

I am incredibly blessed. God has taken care of me every day of my life.

Is political polarization better than giving up and giving in?

If my libido were to just quit bugging me, all of a sudden, it would not be the worst thing.

I am stuck at my job. It is so comfortable, it’s like a fly trap. I need to tear myself away for my own good or I will end my working life here, and probably not accomplish another thing.

My novel. There are times when I’m writing, and I sink into the fictional world, and I don’t want to come out.

Okay. This was interesting. I’m not sure it was productive.

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