I am 50 posts into my blogging career/life/habit and I am not surprised that this moment has weight for me. I have failed at a blog at least two times. I have quit on a multitude of writing projects. I have dreamed of starting another blog for years. And, 50 posts, though doable, has been out of my reach for over a decade.
So, while I am quietly celebrating what I have accomplished, I also want to consider what I have learned from this first stretch, while reaching this milestone for the first time.
It is harder than I thought it would be. It always is. I want writing to be easy and enjoyable and a free-flowing experience between my mind and the page. But, it has always been difficult for me to be a committed writer, to put those words down every day, to humble myself enough to write well, instead of just tossing a bunch of flashy, empty words on the page. I have had to fight with myself to produce any content.
It is easier than I thought it would be. Fifty posts seemed so far away. I thought I might be able to get there if I just confined myself to one post per week. But, getting here has been quicker and easier that I expected. It has been “easy” to post on a semi-regular schedule, to say something in every post, to push myself over what used to imagine were insurmountable humps, to write myself into the company of bloggers I admired and envied for years, writers who had the will to get the words out and publish them, writers who were, and are, doing what I wished I was doing. I am happy, proud, and relieved to finally be one of them.
I am a blogger. At some point, I became a blogger, I have become a blogger. And, that is enough for me for now. I have a personal investment in my space and it is a reflection of me, or parts of me, at least, while I figure out how to put more of myself into it, safely and maturely. I am just another person with a blog – a blogger – and that is what I want to be, what I wanted to be when I began the blog.
I need to write every day. But, I don’t need to/have to post every day. One of my biggest mistakes has been trying to force myself to post every day. I don’t know why I want to do it. Maybe because I read about it on someone’s blog. Maybe to get past the 50-post hump as quickly as possible. Maybe as a way to challenge myself, to make myself produce content daily on a tight deadline, to learn how to force myself to write and publish, at will. Whatever the reason, I have never rebelled so hard against myself than when I was trying to post daily. I have never struggled so hard for the merest scrap of an idea that I could expand into something long enough to call a post. I don’t need to adopt someone else’s schedule to be a productive, quality blogger. The number of posts isn’t significant, or the length for that matter. Posting regularly is important. Writing what I want to write is important. Starting and finishing is important.
The journey is important. Because, for the most part, writing is a battle with yourself. It’s you fighting against all the things in you that stand between you and writing a novel, starting a blog, making a difference, making art, saying something, etc. The journey is the quest to uncover and reveal your substance, to conquer and force yourself to produce/accomplish what you know, believe, and hope you have in you. In the journey, the heroes start out weak and uncertain, and set out to defeat a powerful and sometimes mysterious foe and through trials, conflict, failures, and perseverance, they grow and discover that they have to power, the will, and the strength to slay their demons and complete their quests. That’s the journey, discovering what you have inside, what you have to say, what you can do, and how to marshal what you have to get what you want. The journey is more important. Reaching 50 posts is great. It does feel wonderful. Finally achieving what had been impossible feels great. But, defeating my negativity, doubts, insecurities, uncertainties, and closing the distance on my goal, which seemed miles away, is priceless. It’s a blessing.
Keep writing. As always. The mantra. Keep punching those keys. Write every day. Just do it. Keep writing and rewriting. And you will get it written. You will ultimately get where you’re trying to go.
I appreciate everyone who has read a post, liked a post, commented on a post, read a comment of mine, liked a comment of mine. You know how important those little nudges are, so…Thank You.